How do I know whether I should have sex or not?

Choosing to have sex or not is a very personal decision, and can be very difficult.  You might be in a relationship and feel pressure about sex. Sometimes we feel pressure to have sex from a boyfriend or girlfriend or because everyone else is doing it. No one can decide for you. - it’s important to make a decision that is best for you.

There is no specific age or "magical time" when a person is "ready" to have sex. It depends upon each individual's values and beliefs.

• Why am I interested in having sex?
• Why does my partner want to have sex?
• How will I feel after I have sex?
• Do I know about the risks involved in having sex?
• How will having sex change my relationship with my partner?

How far do I want to go?

Having “sex” doesn’t mean you have to have intercourse, or go “all the way.” There’s lots of ways of being intimate, like talking, hugging, kissing, touching, massage, and mutual masturbation (touching each other’s genitals). Oral sex is another option, but just be aware that there are risks involved. It is important that you think about what your limits are – what you want to do and what you don’t want to do.

• Am I ready to have sex?
• Have I talked to my partner to see if they feel ready to have sex? (If you’re uncomfortable talking about sex with your partner, how comfortable will you be actually having sex with your partner?)
• Will I feel good about myself if I have sex now?
• Am I sure that no one is pressuring me to have sex?
• Can I say “no” to sex without feeling guilty?
• Can I talk to my partner about preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections?
• If the relationship breaks up, will I be glad I had sex with this person?
• Am I ready for the emotional involvement that comes with having sex?

If you answered “no” to any of these questions, you may want to reconsider whether now is the right time for you to have sex.

Where to go for more information:

In most communities, you will be able to access free, confidential clinics where you can get information about safer sex that can help you make a decision. Many health clinics have specific youth clinic hours and professionals. To find out about services in your community, contact your local health clinic.

Or if you want to do more surfing, check out these web sites:

Do I have an unhealthy relationship quiz.
http://www.region.peel.on.ca/health/commhlth/unhreln/unhreln.htm
Take this quiz from Region of Peel Public Health web site.

Saying “No” to intercouse
http://www.region.peel.on.ca/health/commhlth/decision/chabstin.htm
Here are some strategies, ideas and considerations for choosing not to have sex from Region of Peel Public Health web site.

Planned Parenthood Federation of Canada
http://www.ppfc.ca/
This site has information about birth control options, what to do about emergency contraception, information on reproductive health issues, and how to find a clinic in your area.

Condomania
http://www.planetahead.ca/home.cfm
Join Condom Man and Luci Lubricant in their adventures into health sex and sexuality at this site sponsored by Condomania. This site has fun, easy to understand information on everything to do with sex, sexuality, sexually transmitted diseases, birth control and knowing whether or not you are ready for sex.

Sexuality and U
http://www.sexualityandu.ca/eng/teens/
This is a web site about sex and sexuality specifically for teens. It has information about contraception, sexually transmitted infections, quizes and games, and tips to help you figure out when you are ready to have sex.

I would like to say « I like you » but how, where and when?

This resource will be available soon.

I do not have a boyfriend or girlfriend… Is it normal?

This resource will be available soon.

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Website developped and offered by the Canadian Association for Adolescent Health
Last modification: 2006-02-08