Love

Love is important for all of us, no matter our age or sex. It always hurts when we are told that the special someone in our life no longer loves us, as it is hard to put an end to a relationship. There are things you can do to lessen the impact of this moment and to make it easier for you.

First, you should choose the right place and the right time to tell your partner your decision. Let them know in advance that you have something important to say.

Be sincere and simple in your words. Explain clearly the reasons why you want to end the romance. But it is also possible that you simply don’t know why you have stopped loving them. In this case, just tell them that you appreciate the moments that you two shared together.

Try to understand their emotions and how we feel when the loved one break-up the relationship. Even if your feelings for them have changed, it doesn’t mean theirs have also changed for you, and it cannot be turned around overnight. It is possible that your friend feels guilty for what had happened. They could have a tendency to feel depressed and worthless. Explain them that you want to end the relationship because it doesn’t feel right anymore, not because they are worthless. You should clarify the difference between who you are as a separate person and what you two have shared together. Your romance died out for many reasons, but your friend should not feel responsible because you don’t like them anymore or because your relationship does not make sense to you anymore.

Take the time to listen carefully to what your friend has to say and reply gently but directly with your own opinions. You two can discuss about the good and the bad of your relationship, but that might not lead you anywhere except to run in circle. Be calm and patient, you wouldn’t want to end it badly.

It is perfectly normal for any relationship to end. At your age, it is rare to experience those perfect and everlasting love stories. It is best to take with you the beautiful memories of what you two have shared. Love may fade but memories will always stay, thus you both won’t get out empty handed.

If the person expresses their distress when facing the break-up, you could encourage them to talk to others, and to take their mind off their sorrow. On the other hand, it is not normal for them to stay sad and depressed for a very long time. Also if they really feel life is not worth living and even threatens you with such thoughts, it is not normal. In this case, talk to an adult about it. Insist that they talk to an adult whom they trust or even to a professional. There is always “Kids Help Phone”. You can be sure that there are people who will listen to you and gives you advices on helping your ex.

You should not stay in a relationship out of pity or the feel of obligation. To tell the truth, telling the other that we are not in love anymore is an act of respect to yourself and to other.

For more information or help:

Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868)
http://kidshelp.sympatico.ca/
Kids Help Phone is Canada's only toll-free, national telephone counselling service for children and youth. This site offers a forum for kids: experiencing violence, either at home or in their communities; struggling with alcohol and/or drug abuse; dealing with issues related to suicide. Tips for parents and others, common warning signs, and advice on what to do if you suspect someone you know is at risk of committing suicide are featured.

It is the end of the world right? After you have been going out with someone for a while, even a short period of time, it hurts when they no longer feel the same way about you, as you do about them. A knife into your heart would hurt much less than this loss? And you think that no one would ever understand your pain?

The feelings hurt

Of course when someone we love tells us we are no longer loved, it tears us apart. Just because a person’s feelings have changed, it does not mean ours can be turned off overnight.

We all want the perfect everlasting relationship. But at your age, most relationship has a beginning and an end. In your mind perhaps you replay the story between now and those first magical moments, telling yourself “I will never find someone like this again”. All you feel now is emptiness in your heart.

Being in a relationship takes a lot of work, time and commitment. So when you suddenly find yourself at its end it maybe hard for you to think about anything else and even harder to imagine that you'll ever feel better.

It’s quite possible that you will feel down and become shut in. You might also feel guilty for all that happened, thus blaming yourself for it. But if the other person has left you, it is because the relationship you two were having didn’t made much sense anymore for him or her. It does not mean that you are worthless. You must make the difference between yourself and what you two shared together. Your romance has come to an end for different reason but you are not necessarily responsible for the fact that the other person does not like you anymore.

After breaking-up, you could think you will never stop loving the person. Your loved one will perhaps always have a special place in your heart. Sometimes, the pain cause by the break-up is so intense that you often feel you will never be able to love anyone else again. Also you may think you will never recover. But there are other things in life, other encounters that will keep you from the thought of what you have lost.

This might seem impossible when you live in such situation, but with time you will see things differently.

Here are some ideas to help you cope with your break-up

First you are not alone in this painful situation. Boys or girls, young or old, this is part of life experience.

Recognize your feelings: angry, frustrated, sad, guilty, anxious, or in fear of being alone. Find some ways to start feeling like your old self again.  

• How about filling that emptiness with other things instead of doing nothing, thinking about the same things again and again.
• Let your thoughts and energy on things that usually interest you in instead of this break-up. Time will go by much faster.
• Do a little effort. Accept the invitation of your friends to go out, even if you don’t feel like it. Just don't mope around the house alone all the time. Go shopping. But don't assume that all the couples you see walking down the street or at school are happy without any problem.
• Do your favourite activity or sports: this will help you to work through your frustration and anger.
• Make a change in your life: rearrange your room, get your hair cut, etc.
• Please yourself: laugh is still the best medicine: rent a comedy.
• Write, express yourself and your thoughts. Vent your feelings to friends who can understand.
• You can also talk with a teacher or an adult who cares about you. Different people will try to help you in different ways. Some may encourage you to express your sadness and anger, while others may help you to forget by having fun with you. Talk to someone who went through the same problem and see how they were able to overcome the sadness.

These are all ways to relieve stress and heaviness of the atmosphere you live in.

It is not useful to say mean things to your ex-girl/boy friend; you could regret it in the end. You can wait before destroying photos or throwing away gifts you have received. You may want them later as souvenirs. Instead, put these personal things in a box and store it out of sight.

As time goes by you'll feel better and regain your old self.

However, it is not normal to feel sad for a long time, or to feel so badly that you really wonder if life is worth living. If you feel that you are not able to move on from being sad, if you live apart form your friends and family, it is worrisome if it last too long. You need to tell someone and perhaps get some professional help at school or elsewhere. Or call “Kids help Phone”. You can be sure that there is somebody out there that will listen and help you find some solutions.

It has always been wonderful for all of us when we are in love, that special someone who makes us fly so high; but so devastating when it is over. But it is better to move on and keep only the beautiful memories with us as a part of our lifetime experience. And yes, you will date again.

For more information or help:

Love and relationships are important for everyone, no matter our age or sex. And it is always hard to hear that the loved one does not love us anymore. It is like a knife in the heart. What can we do to help a friend in that situation?

Try to understand

If you want to help your friend, try to understand their emotions and pain first. This might not be easy since your friend will tell you that nobody can understand their sorrow. But it does not matter, it is still your friend, you know him or her and they have not changed because of this break-up. And perhaps you have been yourself through the same ordeal before.

What happen when you break-up

When someone we love has left us, of course that will tear us apart. Because the feelings of the other for us have changed, we can’t just turn our emotions off overnight.

We are want a perfect and everlasting relationship. Most relationship at your age has a beginning, and an end. Your friend could be reliving their story between now and those first flirts, and they tell themselves they will never find someone like this again. All they feel is emptiness in their heart. But they should move on.

Being in a relationship takes a lot of work, time and commitment. So when you suddenly find yourself at its end, it may be hard to think about anything else and even harder to imagine that you'll ever feel better.

It’s quite possible that your friend will become shut in. When we have a broken heart, we tend to feel depressed and rejected. They might also feel guilty for all that happened, with a tendency to low self-esteem. But if the other person has broken, it is because the relationship didn’t make much more sense for that person. It does not mean that your friend is worthless. You must help your friend make the difference between themselves, and what your friend and their partner were sharing together. Their romance has come to an end for different reason but it does not necessarily mean that your friend is responsible for the fact that the other person does not like them anymore.

After a break up, the fear that you will never find such a love as you have known may drive your friend to believe that they will never stop loving the person. The loved one will perhaps and forever have a special place in their heart. Sometimes, the pain caused by the break-up is so intense that your friend often feels they will never be able to love anyone else again. Also your friend may think they will never recover.

But you should point out to your friend that there are other things in life, other encounters that will keep them away from the thought of what they have lost and help them move on. Of course that may seem impossible for the person in pain, for now, but slowly with time, they will see things differently.

Here are some ideas to help your friend to cope with the break-up

But how can you help your friend putting an end to this heartbreak?

It is good for your friend to recognize their emotions such as anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, anxiety, fear of being alone.

• Tell them not to dwell on the past and not to keep thinking about the same thing over and over again. They should keep their mind busy with things they are interested in; time will pass by much faster.
• Take your friend out. If they don’t feel like it, keep on insisting. Go shopping, go see a comedy. Do some sports, it helps get the frustration out.
• Suggest to your friend to change something in their life: a new haircut, a new room decoration.
• If your friend is willing to express their feelings, then listen and offer your support. You can even share your own experience and tell them how you have managed to find the way out of a break-up or mourning. Your friend isn’t the only one who is in such a situation. Tell them that time will help heal the wounds in their heart.
• Explain to them that unfortunately at this age it is rare to have the perfect and long lasting love. It’s best to keep the beautiful memories out of it. Falling in love and falling out of love are all part of life experience. And we must be able to move on.
• It is not useful to say negative comments about your friend’s ex, because maybe to their eyes this person still mean really a lot. Don’t tell them that for one love lost, there are ten waiting out there. Your friend probably has the feeling that they will never find someone like this again. With time, later on, they will see by themselves that it is possible.

These are a few amongst many things you can do to help your friend out of this heavy atmosphere of grief and sadness. Different people will try different ways to help your friend. Some will encourage them to express their anger and sadness while others will try to help by enjoying life and activities with them.

And so with time, your friend will regain their old self as before.

On the other hand, it is not normal for your friend to stay sad for a very long time. It is worrisome if your friend really wonders if life is worth living. If you feel that your friend becomes too withdrawn from their group of friends or stop all their normal activities, it should be of concern. If this is the case, talk to an adult, insist that your friend talk to an adult whom they trust or even a professional at school or elsewhere. There is always “Kids Help Phone”. You can be sure that there are people who will listen to you and gives you advices on helping your friend.

Loving someone for us all is an intense, passionate, and unique experience. When that same person leaves us behind with a broken heart, even it is hard, we have to accept it and learn how to deal with. Friendship can always lend a powerful yet gentle hand to guide the person through this crisis.

For more information or help:

Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868)
http://kidshelp.sympatico.ca/
Kids Help Phone is Canada's only toll-free, national telephone counselling service for children and youth. This site offers a forum for kids: experiencing violence, either at home or in their communities; struggling with alcohol and/or drug abuse; dealing with issues related to suicide. Tips for parents and others, common warning signs, and advice on what to do if you suspect someone you know is at risk of committing suicide are featured.