As every teenager, you are going through a time of your life questioning who you are and who you will become.
It can be a time filled with anxiety and questions but also full of marvellous moments and new experiences. It is true that during this period, you could have some doubts about your look, about what others think of you, and about being accepted by peers of your age. You could be preoccupied by questions on sexual desires, romantic relationships and initiating sexual activities. It is normal.
At this time of life, friends begin to talk about their attraction for the opposite sex. For those who already question their sexual orientation or identify themselves as homosexual, it makes things even harder. Over and above all the fears and concerns everyone must face, they also have to assert themselves while being confronted to the judgement of a society that sometimes despises homosexuals. The homophobic (anti-homosexual) reactions from family members, friends and the society are frightening.
Take your time
If you have more attraction and if you feel more sexual desires for same sex persons, you are right to ask yourself if you have homosexual tendencies. It is also possible that you feel attracted to both sexes: we speak then of bisexual tendencies. But no matter what you discover in you or what you feel, it is important not to panic. It is acceptable to feel this way and to have such desires.
Adolescence is a time of change, curiosity and discovery. It means your sexual preferences might also change. There could be sexual experiences with the same sex partners, without concluding that you are homosexual. At your age, it is normal to be uncertain about sexual preferences. You don’t have to make a final decision now.
Take the time to think about it. Be honest with yourself. Analyze your own homophobic feelings. You may have heard all these things about homosexuals and they can scare you or trouble your mind.
Think about your own homophobic judgement if you have any, since you may have heard or believe things on homosexuality and it can trouble your mind.
Do you feel that you really and constantly tend to be attracted sexually to persons of your own sex? If it is the case and if you have taken the time needed and you feel that you are certain of your desires, then, it is very possible that you are homosexual.
And what if you are homosexual?
If you are homosexual, the biggest problem is to accept yourself. You also need to adapt yourself to live a normal and happy life like everybody else. But first of all, one thing is clear: no matter what the others say or think, you are neither mad nor sick. Remember, our society is sometimes homophobic (anti-homosexual); so you will hear many lies. And especially, it is not of your fault if you are homosexual.
However, you are entirely responsible for your own happiness and future. Try to ignore what the others may think of you. Rather, pay attention to your own life, to people close to you and to your own interests. Learn to love and respect yourself and others will respect you in return. You have your own qualities and strengths, homosexuality is only one aspect of you and it is not a weakness. It is easier said than done, but it is not impossible. Affirm yourself gradually.
If you have sexual activities, it is necessary to protect yourself against sexually transmitted diseases. Keep informed and don't take risk. It is also on this issue of self-protection that you must learn to be assertive.
Talk about it to someone you trust
Even if you are certain about your sexual orientation or if you still have doubts, if you believe it could help and you are ready to talk about it, don’t hesitate to do so. It could be your parents, a doctor, a nurse at school, a friend, or whoever you trust that isn’t homophobic and who is able to help without judging you. Talking about it may help you put together your thoughts and feelings. The person to whom you talk might help you looking for organizations in your region that provide support to young homosexuals.
It is hard to be different in a society that praises heterosexuality. Perhaps you feel you are the only homosexual around, while in fact there are many homosexuals in your community. Many organizations are engaged into fighting injustice and discrimination towards homosexuals because this discrimination has no reason to be. After all, no matter our sexual orientation, we are human beings with equal rights and we all deserve to be equally treated and respected.
You can be happy and there are people willing to help you out, talk about it.
For more information or help:
Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868)
http://kidshelp.sympatico.ca/
Kids Help Phone is Canada's only toll-free, national telephone counselling service for children and youth. This site offers a forum for kids: experiencing violence, either at home or in their communities; struggling with alcohol and/or drug abuse; dealing with issues related to suicide and others. Tips for parents and others are featured.
Teenagers are in a time of their life questioning who they are and who they will become.
It can also be a time filled with anxiety and doubts but also full of marvelous moments and of new experiences. It is true that during this period, teens could have some questions about their appearance, what others think of them, and about being accepted by peers of their age. Teens can be preoccupied by questions on sexual desires, romantic relationships and initiating sexual activities. It is normal.
At this time, friends begin to talk about their attraction to the opposite sex. For those who already question their sexual orientation or identify themselves as homosexual, it makes things even harder. Over and above all the fears and concerns everyone must face, they also have to assert themselves while being confronted to the judgment of a society that sometimes despises homosexuals. The homophobic (anti-homosexual) reactions from family members, from friends and from the society are frightening.
Your first reaction
Normally, your first reaction would probably be to laugh and say “funny”. But if you realize it is really not a joke, it could be a shock. And you won’t know what to say.
Right after that, all kind of thoughts runs through your mind. What others will say if they know that you have a gay or lesbian friend? And then you could wonder if your friend has some sexual desire for you. Disturbing maybe? It could also be that you question yourself on this issue, but you are not ready to speak of it. You could then be tempted to reject your friend.
No need to panic
But don’t panic. Among all these reactions, none would help your friend. Remember that they trusted you enough to confide a very personal secret that probably scared them. It is possible that your friend does not even feel capable of speaking to their parents about it. They are probably going through a sexual orientation crisis and need you to listen and to support.
You need to know that…
One’s sexual orientation is not an illness. A homosexual person doesn’t suffer from madness. Your friend is still the same person you have known for long. Their personality didn’t change, their qualities are still the same, and their faults are not worse than before. Homosexuality only means that in one aspect of their life - sexuality, your friend has a preference for same sex persons.
Adolescence is a time of changes, curiosity and discoveries. It means that sexual preferences might change over time. At this age, it is normal to be uncertain about one’s sexual orientation. Your friend might only be at this stage.
The biggest problem for your friend is to accept himself or herself in order to live a normal and happy life as everyone else. Remember that we live in a homophobic society, thus we hear all kind of lies about homosexuality. And above all, it is not your friend’s fault that he or she is homosexual.
However, your friend is entirely responsible for their own happiness and future. They should try to ignore what others may think of them. They should rather pay attention to their own life, to people close to them and to their own interests. If they learn to love and respect themselves, others will respect them more easily. Your friend has his or her own qualities and strengths and homosexuality is not a weakness. It is easier said than done, but it is not impossible.
Stay friend
It is normal if you feel uncomfortable with the sexual orientation of your friend. You can tell him or her that it is a shock, but that you are ready to listen and to remain his or her friend. It is already a lot. Often, it is the only thing you have to do and it is all that your friend wants. If possible, don't change anything in your friendship. It is important that you stay yourself otherwise your friendship might suffer from it.
Tell them that it is not an illness, that it is not their fault. Insist on their qualities and capacities. Help and encourage your friend to affirm and respect themselves.
You can encourage them to be part of a group of young gays and lesbians in school or in the community. If your friend has other worries beyond your capacity, tell your friend that it would be better to consult a professional, a physician, a psychologist, a nurse or to contact an organization that takes care of young gays and lesbians.
It is up to you to decide what you want for your friendship. But if you stay friends, without being too influenced by the difference of your sexual orientation and the homophobic remarks of others, you show your friend how important he or she is to you.
For more information or help:
Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868)
http://kidshelp.sympatico.ca/
Kids Help Phone is Canada's only toll-free, national telephone counselling service for children and youth. This site offers a forum for kids: experiencing violence, either at home or in their communities; struggling with alcohol and/or drug abuse; dealing with issues related to suicide and others. Tips for parents and others are featured.