Young and healthy

Suicide

I often think about suicide, is it normal and what can I do?

You are not alone. Thinking about suicide is rather common among adolescents. It is known that up to 35% of teenagers will have some suicidal thoughts. It is not always a problem to think of suicide if it does not last and if it is not a powerful thought.

What makes you think about suicide

Rather than answer if thoughts of suicide are normal or not, try to ask yourself and figure out what makes you think about it and how you think about it? These three situations may help you figure out in what way are you thinking about suicide.

First possibility. You’ve felt confused, have been in a bad mood, or you failed an important test at school. Suicide comes to your mind for a few minutes or for a day. Or a few times in a week, but it is not a very powerful thought. You only think about the idea of suicide. You don’t think about planning it. In fact, you would like to avoid sad or difficult situations, but deep inside, you know you can face them. If this describes you, then you may be feeling stressed, a little down, but these feelings are temporary and will probably go away again.

Second possibility. The idea of suicide is there every day for the past several weeks. You think of suicide because there is no reason left to keep living or nothing left to believe in, not even yourself. You start planning how you would do it, where, when, if you would write a letter to your parents or somebody else. You feel depressed. You are overwhelmed by all the things you have to do and all the pressures put on you by parents, teachers, coaches, etc. Or you have lost someone dear to you and you cannot handle that loss. Or maybe you are homosexual and don’t think you can tell anyone. You really think that the only solution is to commit suicide and this idea keeps haunting your mind. The more you think, the more there are no other solutions to stop the pain and suffering. These may be signs of serious depression and it’s important to remember you are not alone. There are suggestions below on how to ask for help, where to go and what you can do.

Third possibility. Very powerful thoughts of suicide seem to have come from out of the blue, usually because something has happened that makes it seem that life is not worth living. Maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend has broken up with you. You feel it is the end of the world and of your life; you’re no good anymore. Everything goes fast in your mind. In a matter of a day, you are in a dead end situation, unable to find other solution and you plan the suicide. These are signs of severe stress and it’s important to consider that you may urgently need someone to talk to and to help you deal with these feelings.

What to do?

It you are stressed, learn to relax. If you have too many things to do and cannot keep up the pressure, decide what is important and what can be put on the back burner and concentrate on the important ones.

If you have the blues or are sad try…

Talking to friends,
Go out shopping,
Do some sports, go for a walk or a jog,
Rent a funny video.
If none of these help you, talk to a counsellor or peer counsellor at your school.

If suicide is in your mind often or everyday, or if it is powerful or if it is the only solution to your problem, then, you have to do something about it. You could have a tendency to stay alone and to barricade yourself, but you cannot keep it for yourself.

Here are some things to think about:

Don’t do it! There are other solutions
Talk to someone you trust like a relative, friend, or health professional about what you are thinking. If you can’t talk to these people or no one else is available, call a crisis line like Kids Help Phone
Write your feelings down in a journal or diary. By doing this, you may come up with solutions to your problems. When you write things down, you force yourself to be honest with yourself and you will start to pinpoint what issues are gnawing at you and getting you down.
Drawing and artwork are also great ways to express your feelings.
Remember how much you mean to people… your friends, your sister or brother, your Mom or Dad, Aunts and Uncles, your teacher, your minister. You may forget this when you are really sad, but there are people who care.
Think about your hopes and dreams for the future
Remember that the pain your are feeling at a time like this is really intense and it feels like it’ll last forever, but the pain will go away with help.

The choice is always yours, but just keep in mind that you have what it takes to make a difference, and help is always around if you truly look for it.

Places to Go For Help and More Information

Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868)
http://kidshelp.sympatico.ca/
Kids Help Phone is Canada's only toll-free, national telephone counselling service for children and youth. This site offers a forum for kids: experiencing violence, either at home or in their communities; struggling with alcohol and/or drug abuse; dealing with issues related to suicide. Tips for parents and others, common warning signs, and advice on what to do if you suspect someone you know is at risk of committing suicide are featured.

Youth Net
http://www.reseauado.on.ca/ottawa_index.html
Youth Net is a mental health programme run by youth for youth. It’s made up of a network of young people that encourages youth to share ideas and problem-solve mental health issues affecting youth. On the web site you’ll find Youth Fax, a fact sheet on issues such as love and relationships, depression, suicide, stress, STD’s, self-esteem, plus a whole bunch of others.

Climbing The Cliff of Depression
http://www.climb.webcentral.com.au/
This website is written as a guide for teenagers who feel someone they know may be depressed or suicidal. However, it will also be useful for anyone to just learn about depression.

What can I do about my friend who told me he is suicidal and made me promise not to tell anyone?

This is a pretty terrifying thing to hear from a friend. And it leaves you in an awkward position, torn between the danger of losing your friend for good and the risk of losing your friendship if the promise is broken. Overcoming this won’t be easy, but it is not impossible.

First thing to do is not to panic. Take a deep breath and stay calm. There are a few things you can do that will help you decide if you need to take immediate action.

Listen to your friend

Start off by listening to your friend and finding out what is making him/her feel like suicidal: the problems and reasons. Talk to them openly about suicide, their problems and their reasons for wanting to die.

When you are listening to your friend, do not judge the reasons for feeling suicidal, something that is stressful and horrible for your friend may seem not that bad from your perspective. Be positive and understanding, show your friend that you care and you are concerned about them.

Try to find out

After listening, try to find for how long they’ve had suicidal thoughts. Ask them if they have planned out how they will kill themselves. This sounds totally harsh, but it's one of the ways to find out how ready your friend is to attempt suicide. Here are some questions about their plan:

How are they planning to kill themselves?
Where are they are planning to do it?
When are they planning to do it?

Ask if they had talked to anyone else. Try to find out if there is someone they can trust to talk to besides you. Encourage them to talk to a professional mental health worker.

Ask them what they expect from you. It is okay to tell them you are not an expert, and you want to know why they talk to you about it but make you promise not to tell.

Be supportive

Be supportive of your friend. Believe what they tell you and do not judge their feelings.

Let them know and show them that you care, because suicidal people usually find themselves alone and isolated, thinking there is no way out of their problems and nobody to help. Explain to them that no matter what they might think, they are important to you and many others; and if they die, you will miss them dearly.

Don't say things like “everything will be okay”. Things could only be okay if your friend consult a professional and together they find a solution.

And tell an adult

Listening, being supportive and finding out about the situation are only a beginning. But you have to react and do something. According to what you have heard, you will know what you need to do in the next hour or next day.

If you suspect that your friend will really commit suicide, then it’s important to react quickly. By telling you that he or she is considering suicide it is a sign that they want help, even if your friend had said that they don't want you to tell anybody.

You need to make sure that your friend receives some sort of psychological help to get them through their suicidal feelings. So you're going to have to tell someone. Talk to an adult who you can trust, a counsellor, your parent, a teacher, a doctor, a youth group leader. Tell them what your friend has told you. They can help you decide what to do next.

If you think that your friend is in immediate danger of killing him or herself, tell their parents, if the situation permits i.e. suicidal thoughts are not due to abuse by parents. Or take your friend to the emergency room of your local hospital. If your friend is in immediate danger the hospital can arrange psychological help for him or her.

In case your friend turns mad at you, reply calmly that as a friend, you care and worry enough about them to not just sit back and watch them die.

Don’t burn yourself. You are not responsible for everything.

Make sure that you do not burn yourself out. Having to deal with a suicidal friend is very hard; it takes a lot of time and emotional energy. If you feel like you need to talk out your feelings with someone, it is okay, and it's a good idea. You won't be able to help your friend if you are not healthy yourself. If you feel like you cannot handle dealing with your suicidal friend anymore, it is okay to remove yourself from the situation, and stop trying to help.

Make sure that you have let someone else know about your friend's suicidal feelings so that your friend is not left unsupported. It is important to know that you are not responsible for the problems of your friend, especially when it is that serious. Your only responsibility is to talk to an adult and make sure they understand and help your friend. After that, it is beyond your capacity. It belongs to a professional.

Your friend is lucky to have a friend like you by their side. You have what it takes to help them make a difference.

You can call Kids Help Phone to know if you are doing the right thing or if you have problems deciding what to do.

Here are some website you can visit for more information.

Extra

Mind and Soul