What do I do if I am abused in my family or foster family ?

There are many forms of abuse, including sexual, emotional, and physical abuse. Sometimes, abuse happens with neglect like not providing food or access to health care, etc. The person abusing can be a father, a mother, a brother or sister, or anyone in a foster family.

Sometimes, you don’t even recognize that you are victim of abuse. You could even imagine that you were responsible.

You don’t know what to do. You keep asking yourself “why me?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “When will it stop?” Unfortunately, these questions won’t help you much until you start asking: “what can I do if I am abused?”

There are a number of things you can do, but everything leads to the common goal of getting help so the abuse can stop and you can get the support to start healing. But to do that, you have to tell someone.

You are not responsible …

It is not your fault that you have been abused. You aren’t responsible for it, no matter what the abuser tells you or makes you believe. There is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with the abuser.

It is difficult to tell

It is very difficult for a young person who is being abused to tell someone about it.

• You may be afraid that you will be taken away from your home and friends.
• You may be anxious about the problem you will cause in the family or that your parents will break up.
• Perhaps the abusive person has threatened you if you tell anyone and blame you for what happened.
• You may also fear that no one will believe your story.
• Most young people being abused feel shameful, guilty. You may have low self-esteem and lack confidence in your ability to tell your story.

But even if it is difficult to tell, the effects of the abuse on you are important and everything should be done to stop the abuse and to minimize the consequences on you.

Talk about the abuse to an adult

The best way to get out of this abusive situation is to talk about your problem. The abuse should be disclosed to an adult. You can talk to a counsellor, a teacher, a doctor or anyone else who you trust.

Maybe it is hard to tell your story with the bad memories that come with it, but it is something you should do in order to get help.

The adult you talk to, if it is not the police or a youth protection agency, will have to report to the proper authorities. It is against the law in Canada for an adult not to report an abusive situation against a young person, even if they only suspect it. The age where reporting is mandatory varies from below 16 years old to below 18 years old from one province to another.

It is then that action will be taken to protect and help you.

If you are not satisfied with what is being done after talking to an adult, disclose to another adult, or consult a teen clinic, until help is provided.

Get help from a friend to disclose. If you are afraid to talk to an adult, talk to a friend about the abuse. But don’t make them promise to keep the secret. Instead, ask them to help you find an adult to talk about the abuse. Your friend could talk to his or her parents and find help this way. Or your friend could accompany you to a counsellor at school or a clinic where a nurse or a doctor could help you.

There are always good people around to help you out, just don’t stay silent and endure the pain alone. It is never too late to talk. You can call Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868); they can help you to find the way out.

What do I do if a friend is being abused by someone in his/her family?

Abuse is against the law. It’s one of the most serious problems in our society. Many young people who have been abused feel ashamed and guilty. Many have low self-esteem and lack confidence in their ability to tell their story.

There are many types of abuse:
• Sexual abuse
• Emotional abuse
• Physical abuse
• Neglect (not providing food or medical care, etc.)

The person who abuses someone else can be a father, a mother, a brother or sister or someone in a foster family.

Why is it difficult to tell someone else about being abused?

It’s very difficult for a young person who is being abused by his or her family, to tell someone about it. They may be taking risks by telling someone about their abuse.

• They may be afraid that they’ll be taken away from their home and friends.
• They may be worried about the problem they’ll cause in the family.
• They may be afraid that the family will break up.
• Sometimes the abusive person has threatened them if they tell anyone.
• They blame themselves for what happened.
• They’re afraid that no one will believe their story.
• They’re afraid that their parents won’t let them go out with friends.

What can you do?

If a friend tells you that they’re being abused, then that young person is trusting you.

• Stay calm.
• Listen to your friend.
• Let your friend know that you believe him/her.
• Tell your friend you’re sorry it happened.
• Let your friend know it’s not his or her fault.
• Don’t promise to keep it a secret.
• Don’t say everything will be fine now – it may take some time before it is.
• Be a good friend. Go out together, to shop or see a movie, and talk about music or your favourite actors. Bring some relief and fun to your friend in these tough times.

Disclose the abuse to an adult

The abuse should be disclosed to an adult, even if your friend doesn’t want you to. You can disclose it to a counsellor, a teacher, a doctor, or your parent.

Disclosing the abuse to an adult doesn’t have to be behind your friend's back. Tell your friend that in order to keep them safe, you may have to tell a trusted adult. You can offer to go with your friend to a professional or the appropriate authorities, for example a child protection agency, to help them report the abuse. It’ll most likely make your friend feel more secure, and cared for if you help them to report the abuse rather than you reporting it without their knowledge.

If you’re not satisfied with what is being done after disclosing to an adult, disclose to another adult, until help is provided.

How can I tell if I have been given a date rape drug?

Date rape drugs are drugs that are added to your drink without you knowing about it and make you act differently than you normally would or make you forget whole chunks of time. It doesn’t matter if the drink is alcoholic or non-alcoholic. It’s difficult to tell if a drug has been put in your drink. These drugs make it easier for someone to sexually assault you.

There are different rape drugs that can be used:
• Rohypnol (Roofies, Rope, Forget-pill),
• Gamma Hydroxy Butyrate (GHB, Liquid Ecstasy, Liquid X, Easy Lay)
• Ketamine (Special K, Vitamin K, Ket).

When you have a drink that’s been drugged, you may:
• feel sleepy and relaxed.
• feel overly drunk, outgoing or sensual.
• feel out of control.
• pass out and wake up in a different place hours later and have no memory of what happened.

How can you protect yourself?

• Don’t go out by yourself; instead go with a group of friends. You can also designate a “check-in” person in your group of friends. This person agrees to keep an eye out for everyone, makes sure everyone is checking in and knows where you are at all times. This person could also be your designated driver for the evening.
• Don’t leave your drink alone. Take it with you.
• Don’t take any drinks from someone you don’t know well unless you’ve seen them buy it.
• If someone offers to buy you a drink, watch them make your drink.
• Don’t drink anything out of a punch bowl unless you are sure it is safe
• If a drink looks or smells different, don’t drink it.
• Avoid cranberry drinks since the cranberry taste can hide the taste or smell of some drugs.

What should you do?

• If a drink looks or smells different, don’t drink it.
• If you drink any of it and then start to feel weird or experience any of the symptoms above, talk to a friend about what’s happening and get medical help right away.
• Some of these drugs, when mixed with alcohol, may lead to more severe complications.
• Check the behaviour of friends who seem more drunk than they should be for the amount of alcohol they’ve been drinking. They may have been drugged. Then help them get medical attention.

If you see a health professional early enough, they can do tests to see if there are any of these drugs in your body. But some of these drugs disappear quickly, within 8 to 12 hours and could be difficult to find in your body.

If you think that you may have been sexually assaulted while drugged,
• you can go to a hospital, a doctor or nurse, or Sexual Assault Centre, even if you don’t remember much.
• talk to a friend or someone you trust.
• you should consider calling the police.

Extra

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