Parents

Quarrels and quibbling have always been part of the family scene. In fact, your desires and demands do not always correspond with the limits your parents want to impose. You may want more freedom, while your parents are perhaps worried about your safety. Thus a lot of teens complain about the rules and limits imposed on them.

All this can lead to fights, often justified on all sides. It is normal. But to argue constantly is exhausting and nonproductive. What to do?

Here are some steps you can take that may help your situation.

Find out what they expect from you

Pick the right moment without any tension, to talk calmly but clearly about the rules that are important to them: what is allowed and what is not. Ask your parents for the essential values in which they believe, and the behaviors resulting from them.

Remind them that you are no longer a kid

Often parents don't see their children as growing up; they may still think of you as a little child. Sometimes they forget that you need to be treated differently now. On the other hand, your parents need to see mature behavior on your part to reassure themselves that you are indeed growing up, and can take on more responsibility.

Negotiate calmly

Fighting with your parents and making demands angrily is not productive. Talking calmly without raising your voice is the best way to express your ideas and to have your opinion respected.

Listen carefully to their point of view and try to understand before replying. Also, explain clearly your point of view and make sure they understand before answering you; then look together to find a common ground and solution.

Include your parents in your life

Although you don’t need to tell your parents everything about your life, they will be more reassured if you give them some information. For example you can invite your friends to your house so your parents can meet them; tell them about where you’ll be and how they can contact you if needed.

Be truthful

Honesty leads to trust. If you lie to your parents, then they will not be able to trust you, and will most likely impose more rules and limits. If you have broken one of the rules, be truthful and accept the consequence. Your parents will be less likely to over react or place more restrictions.

If it still doesn’t work, talk to an adult, consult a professional.

If it is still difficult to agree with each other, despite the efforts on all sides, then it may be better to get advice from a professional. Sometimes with someone outside the family, it is easier to discuss issues calmly and to find solutions. You can start by consulting a professional at school or in a clinic. He or she could propose individual visits with you alone, consultation for your parents or for the whole family.

If some rules seem abusive to you and you think that there is a serious problem in your family, then speak to your friends, an adult or someone that you trust.